Soul study 1

Age & Sex : 'A', 48 year old female, now separated from partner

Background: 'A' arrived at my clinic with a seemingly happy disposition - chirpy and talkative and very friendly by nature. We chatted for about 30 min during which she disclosed that she has a lovely 13 year old adopted daughter (who is aware that she is adopted) and a biological son and the relationship with the daughter is a bit challenging of late. The young girl remains dissatisfied in spite of overwhelming love and care showered on her by the mother. The decision to adopt the baby girl was mutual by the couple and she is loved and adored by her older brother as well. However, a sense of 'disconnect', constant 'disharmony' and 'not belonging' remains in the child  upsetting the mother and causing frequent turbulent moments between them.

Session observations : I found 'A' to initially settle in well but it took a long deepening process for her relax her conscious mind and for her to let go. She very much was 'in control' for a long time. I first took her through age regression, taking her back to her childhood to see if any clues of discord existed wit her parents. I found the recession was slow and many responses were similar to her current state ( colour and type of clothing at the present moment). Eventually, as a small girl, her subconscious revealed that her mother was very dominating, constantly criticising her and extremely difficult to please. This was trauma no 1 for 'A'. In another regression episode 'A' cried and expressed how desperately she looked at her mother for words of appreciation which never came - her mother always had a strict demeanor and was a perfectionist, perhaps she was raised that way.

It also turned out that 'A' had married out of choice and moved to NZ where she separated with her partner due to financial differences, but now on her way to finding independence through her craft. 

'A' did not regress to another life time inspite of a couple of attempts, each time getting stuck in a dark tunnel. Her intention to  find out the pending karma with her adopted daughter in a previous lifetime did not fructify. We found the root cause in this lifetime itself.

Learnings : The nature of relationship we have with our parents subconsciously seeps into our parenting. Either we end up 'just like them' in our parenting style or 'just the opposite' to compensate for the hurt we felt. Nevertheless, if not brought to light, the trauma of feeling underappreciated and undervalued or constantly criticised - eventually precipitates in our parenting style.

Over criticism in childhood had perhaps turned 'A' into a fiercely independent woman who would not accept any force or person challenging her ideology including around money, savings and expenditure. Unknowingly, she was imposing the same standards of perfection on her already sensitive daughter causing a 'control issues', resulting in her daughter to rebel. 

Post session healing : 'A' could see for herself that her inner child begging for approval from her mother has been left uncared for, which in turn is wanting to gain control over the feelings of unworthiness by controlling her daughter. Since her mother continues to not appreciate even the adult version of 'A', it her now upon 'A' to (1) forgive her mother for the incapacities she had/has to appreciate her. (2) Love her inner child and soothe her by saying, "she is enough the way she is". There is no need for approval from her mother, or any external agency - which is really hard to do, but required learning in self-love. 

As a child she did her very best and is still doing so as a mother. All that needs to happen is 'to 'let go' of the desperate control that 'A' is unknowingly imposing on her own daughter now, inspite of loving her to bits. The daughter on the other hand equates "being abandoned" by her own biological mother and an overpowering adopted mother as  'Not being worthy of love', in turn resulting in rebellion through non compliance.

                                                        Lesson - Where there is Control, there is no Love' 

Catharsis Trademark registered with IPONZ : TM1317393